I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was so not down for the gang bang
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
