im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize