I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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