All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
