Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
