im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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