I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
