I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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