I didn't shave. On purpose
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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