Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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