I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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