i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
