Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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