break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
