I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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