please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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