i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
