its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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