i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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