you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
