what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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