My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
