out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
