The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
