it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
