Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
