it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
