i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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