i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
