According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
