ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
