Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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