my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
