I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
