its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
