i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
