You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
