when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
