I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
