Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
