i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
