so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
