First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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