my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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