You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
