you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
