So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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