I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
