i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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