My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need moral support for this bender
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
