I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
