Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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