Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
