I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize