I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
