Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize