My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
