Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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