Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
