I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
