i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
