Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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