Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
