The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
3 2 1 whiskey
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
