I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
