My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
