And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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