so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
