I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
