Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
