She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
