Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
