Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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