i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
